Help me get over my self-consciousness so I can enjoy the attention I'll get when leaving my job.

Hi Mark,

I feel that social anxiety is stopping me from moving on in life. I have been in the same job for over three years and one of the main reasons that I don't want to quit and move to another job is the fact that when people leave at my work, it is a really big deal and the person gets showered with attention and gifts.

To a 'normal' person and to myself deep down, this is great. But I always get the shakes and feel like I can't even talk because I'm panicking over being looked at by everyone.

I have downloaded your '10 Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety Course' and the self-confidence course, but I just wonder if you have some words of advice for me.

Thanks so much. :)

This question was submitted by 'Claire'

Mark says...

Hi Claire and thank you for writing in.

Certainly the levels of self-consciousness when the spotlight seems turned on you (birthdays, leaving celebrations, and so on) can put some people off making life decisions. It does seem a shame that such a time-limited experience - a leaving celebration - prevents you from moving on with your life. As if one small word prevented us from continuing a great novel we were reading.

You might have already made much more progress than you realize. Someone doesn't know they are stronger or fitter until they test that strength or fitness. Oftentimes when I help someone overcome a phobia, they don't totally believe the phobia is gone until they actually test it out and find that, hey, they really can deal with that spider calmly or take that flight. So it may be the same with you. You may have fear of the fear, but not yet know that the fear has gone (or at least greatly diminished) until you find yourself feeling much more relaxed and calm than you knew was possible for you). People need to prove things to themselves.

My advice is to keep listening to the '10 Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety Course' and the self-confidence course. Listen to the downloads and start testing out the results - in small ways, at first. Speak to people you wouldn't normally speak to or speak up in a group, so the 'spotlight' goes on you just for a few seconds here and there. In this way, you can begin to test your progress. I also suggest you practice envisioning life beyond the leaving of your current job. Often, when we focus strongly on what we want beyond any perceived roadblocks, we find the future so compelling that the roadblocks seem to start to vanish before our eyes.

All best wishes for the future you are meant to have,

Mark