How do I use my past experience of being bullied to help me grow as a person?

I have a question about communication with bullies. Now, it's in my head because bullying was already in my past. But wounds are still here as symbols. It seems there are few or more lessons out of it than I ever thought or expected, ignoring my own fears.

First thing: I didn't love myself at the core of initial worth, I only looked outside to compensate my flaws.

Another thing: I was jealous of some of those guys' qualities, but have never admitted it, like acting free, showing confidence, attraction.

Problem is, I still have those beliefs as a being weak or not enough. I believe those guys have represented what I didn't have or felt already about myself, but deep inside I wanted and it was a life lesson to decide what to choose: or be afraid and have fixed mindset or develop a growth attitude to look for opportunities to become a better person. If I am right?

The dilemma is it can sound weird, because people hate or ignore usually whenever they remember their bullies, but I believe that happens from self-hatred, jealousy, or shame of being not enough, because they just only had reminded it.

Now I identify sometimes with those weaknesses, when I remember them. But I am not weaknesses, right? I control by judging them in my head, instead of accepting them and becoming friends. It's a part of the task, I believe. Another part to accept myself in them, because they represent my flaws. I must celebrate weaknesses, because they can give me a lesson to change myself. How to get that mindset?

This question was submitted by 'Ernestas'

Mark says...

Hi Ernestas,

Being bullied can be devastating and, for some people, have long-term effects. But if life is the 'great classroom', then it is possible not just to come back from bullying, to get over it, but also to use past experience to help you thrive in your future.

You say you have already used those past experiences to gain some observational knowledge of yourself, which took some courage and honesty. It sounds like a part of you admired some aspects of those bullies. Their confidence, acting freely, and 'attraction', which maybe you meant they were attractive?

Often, of course, there is a main bully, the 'ringleader', who may well have confidence shot through with arrogance. But often (even) weaker characters just join in because someone more dominant is leading them in the bullying behaviour.

You were not weak to be bullied, because the weakness always lies with the bully. Your challenge, as I see it now, is to build your confidence and freedom of thought and action whilst never becoming a bully yourself. In that way, you can use the experience to make you stronger in the future. The 'Let Go of the Past' download can help you do that, as well as 'Live Your Values'.

All best wishes,

Mark