My abusive parent's bullying has stopped, but others still bully me.

Hello Mark,

I'm loving your website and downloads.

I had a parent who was abusive and a bully and find myself bullied as an adult at work. It's embarrassing to me and affects my health. Other people have come into where I work for jobs in a similar capacity to me and have advanced socially and professionally. It's been incredibly painful to witness. I think that I'm acting as confident, speaking and dressing, etc. as everyone else, but apparently there's something about me that invites this behavior.

Can you suggest a download that would help me never to be bullied again, but loved and supported instead? It's like living in a nightmare leftover from my childhood.

Thank you so much!!

Sabrina

This question was submitted by 'Sabrina'

Mark says...

Hello Sabrina,

I'm sorry to hear this. Most people are perfectly nice most of the time, but there is always, unfortunately, a small but damaging percentage of predatory people who target and pick on others either to bolster their own egos, climb over others, or simply for 'entertainment'. Bullies will tend to 'test' people by pushing to see if there is any 'give' or whether they meet the kind of resistance that would make someone too much trouble to bully.

As I mentioned to another questioner recently, sociopathic convicted muggers and murderers can tell by watching others walk down a corridor for a few seconds who has been assaulted before (and therefore who they would choose as a target). It had nothing to do with size or age, but everything to do with the way these people walked. The way you carry yourself, your verbal expressions, and the way you communicate combine to let the eagle-eyed 'civilized' (not violent or criminal) psychopath and bully know whether you are a good bet to bully or someone who will set firm barriers.

If you are bullied, it is never your fault. It's also important to remember that not all bullies mean to be bullies. The effects of working for or with a control freak can feel like being bullied even if that was not their intention. I suggest you read my articles 'Overcome that Fear of Confrontation', 'How to Deal with the Control Freak', and 'Dealing with Moody People'. As far as upping the confidence you feel and convey, I suggest you do the exercises I give you in this article before going to work and when you get a private moment at work: 'How to boost your personal power in two minutes'.

You need not be 'damned' forever by your past.

All best wishes,

Mark