How can I get over this most unexpected and horrible break up?

I'm 17 years old. I know I'm young, but I need help getting over a traumatic break up.

We'd been together for nine months and, all of a sudden, he screamed at me to move on and told me it's over after a nice day going grocery shopping. He told me he's moved on since the beginning. He screamed at me and shoved me away. He did it over the phone and when I rushed over while driving he did those things.

I just want to forget him. I can't eat or sleep right. I can't function as I used to. I want to forget this painful break up… It was abrupt and out of nowhere…

This question was submitted by 'Dana'

Mark says...

Hi Dana and thanks for writing in.

This sounds like it was 'out of the blue', but what it tells us is that he had his doubts but didn't know how to communicate them maturely and it also tells us something about him. You may have had a lucky escape here from an insensitive, emotionally incontinent guy.

Okay, but certainly I don't want that one-off experience to put you off finding a really good partner. In future, you need to be relaxed and trust that things can work out, but even if they don't, you'll be fine. These last seven words are really the secret to emotional security and self-confidence.

You may well be finding – and it wouldn't be surprising, of course – that whenever your mind goes back to those moments of his screaming, you feel awful in the present. You can't change the memory, but you can change the way you feel about the memory so that it doesn't dictate how you are in relationships in the future.

I want you to close your eyes, relax by focusing on different parts of your body relaxing and resting, then get the sense of being someplace safe and secure, perhaps with the presence of someone you feel good and safe with. Now get the sense of 'watching' from the outside…from a comfortable distance…that time…with him acting like a baby…until you can observe it with total calm and detachment. Taking 15 or 20 minutes doing this can enable you to move on from this much quicker than you may have realized was possible, so that you can leave that particular baggage where it belongs…well and truly in the past.

We do have a 'Getting Over a Relationship' download, but as you are below 18, you'd need someone older to purchase it for you.

All best wishes for your future and remember things can get so much better.

Mark