Death of a Child

It's hard to imagine the suffering a parent must feel after the death of a child. Whether it was anticipated or not the grief and upset is intense. Memories of how the child was when they were full of life and vitality can haunt the bereaved parent as much as images of any suffering the child may have experienced.

If a child has just recently died you may feel as if you are 'seeing' them every where in the street, on TV at the shops. This is a natural way the brain has of re-categorizing some one as no longer there physically. It's a period of adjustment and also happens to people sometimes after relationships has ended.

The impact of the death of a child can reach far and wide affecting siblings, school friends, and of course any extended family. In addition to your own grieving you may have been worrying desperately as to whether other people are ok too. And of course it can feel hard to focus on others peoples' emotions when you are overwhelmed by your own.

Different ways of grieving the death of a child

Many people describe grieving as a 'process' and it's true that it something you 'go through' and come out the other side from. But there are different ways of grieving. You may experience all of just some of the characteristics of grief.

Of course it's natural to grieve after a death of a child and sometimes it's going to feel easier than others. But you need to continue to live and give love and support to people around you such as other children or your partner. To be able to live more fully you need to be ok. We all have emotional and physical needs whether we are bereaved or not. To stay strong and grieve properly you need to:

• Have supportive people around you.
• Have at least one person you can feel emotionally intimate enough with to talk about anything on our mind.
• Feel connected to your community.
• Get enough sleep and rest.
• Eat regularly and well.
• Keep your mind connected to day to day current reality.
• Have a sense of goals for the future (even if that is to feel better in your self.)

The extent to which you can eventually meet the above needs in your life will correspond to how strong you start to feel. You may need to really think about how you can meet your needs in your life. But remember grieving takes time and only becomes a 'problem' when it doesn't seem to feel any better after many months and is clearly preventing you from engaging in your life by getting satisfactions though meeting your needs as a person. Please make sure you have someone to talk to.

The Guilt bind

Many grieving parents quite naturally feel that some how they shouldn't ever feel better; that some how not constantly grieving for their child is disrespectful or means they are forgetting about them or no longer love them. This is a bind. You want to feel better but you feel bad when you do feel better.

Organizing grief

But it's good to know that you can always love your child. Eventually after the loss of a child many grieving parents find they can focus their grieving in a more 'organised' way. This may mean putting one afternoon aside a month to look at photos and footage of their child. This organized grieving means that you can re-engage with life again and have times of not thinking upsetting thoughts and enjoy meaning in life whilst always taking time to remember in a pure and focused way. Eventually bereaved parents may mark out anniversary to remember the child twice or once a year. Of course the child is never forgotten and always mourned but life also continues for you and those around you.

This session isn't meant to encourage you to forget your child or to some how make the grieving stop completely-that wouldn't be right-but it should be used as a 'break from feeling bad' and a way to feel better about your own future.

You can actually respectfully grieve in a better and balanced way if you are rested and relaxed more of the time.

Download Easing Grief - The Death of a Child now.