The Secret of dealing with The Guilt Tripper

How is it that 'guilt trippers' know exactly which buttons to press? Some people are just adept at emotional manipulation, and if you find yourself on the receiving end, you need to have your defences ready.

Why guilt works

You can be controlled through guilt because you're basically a decent person. If you didn't have a conscience then there would be no guilt to use against you. In addition, it's likely that you have been conditioned in the past to feel guilty and unrealistically responsible for someone else's emotions and actions.

Maybe other people made you feel overly responsible: 'You made me do this!', or 'After all I've done for you, how could you treat me like this?' and 'Oh ok I'll do it even though I am not feeling well' and so on.

Guilt trippers play the martyr, constantly remind you what they have done for you and know exactly how to make you feel bad so they can get what they want.

Why using guilt is bullying

And make no mistake, although this manipulative behavior may not seem aggressive, it is. The emotional blackmail of the guilt tripper is still a way of  gaining control over you. Even though they are not shouting and threatening it is still behavior designed to dominate you. That's why it's bullying.

When people manipulate by making you feel guilty (even if it is by giving you a certain look) then they entrap you within their own agenda - you become merely an instrument to get them what they want. They are in fact treating you as an object; a means to an end.

Guilt trippers will try to make you feel responsible for what they do and feel. This immature tactic subsumes all responsibility. Ultimately, of course, what they do and feel is down to them.

The language of guilt

The guilt tripper will use accusatory language with black or white statements such as: 'You always do this to me!' or 'Why don't you ever help me?' and 'How could you just go off and enjoy yourself when you know I've got all this to do?' 

They will talk about things 'not being fair' and compare your behavior with other people to the way they feel you treat them. For example: 'How come it's ok for you to help them but not me?' or 'Why is it that you listen to everyone else's ideas but not mine?'

The guilt tripper will exaggerate your role in things and over blame you. This amounts to threatening behavior. They may say stuff like: 'If we lose this contract it will be all your fault!', or 'I hope you are satisfied now you've ruined my entire life!'

Drama queens

Guilt trippers are drama queens and talk dramatically. The most immature and dramatic sentiment expressed is the: 'You'll be sorry when I'm gone!' or 'When I'm dead and buried at least you want have to worry about me any more!'

It's one thing have a guilt tripper in your life but it's another to have your behavior and emotions controlled by them.

Guilt trippers are all 'me, me, me!' Guilt tripping is selfish behavior and you may have noticed that any non-selfish behavior is then used for their own gain, never letting you forget what they've done or suffered for others.

Guilt trippers may have real hardships but then they use these to manipulate others. We may find ourselves making excuses for them such as: 'Well Sally did have that divorce and she has got that ill child'. However is 'Sally' using these things to control you? If she is then her behavior still needs dealing with, despite any real difficulties in her life.

Freedom from the guilt tripper's manipulations

Just think how much easier your life is going to be when you are no longer manipulated into feeling and doing what you don't really want. No longer being controlled though emotional blackmail doesn't mean you always have to say no but it does mean you'll make decisions based on logic, not enforced guilt trips. Your decisions need to be made for the right reasons.

Download The secret of dealing with the guilt tripper now and give them a chance to grow up and yourself a chance to enjoy your life more.

Related: Dealing with Guilt